The nurses are alright, to be honest. That Latina one with the freak of a husband - what's her name, Carla - at least gives me some respect. But the surgeons and doctors! What do they think they're playing at, getting in my way all the time? This is my hospital (kind of). When I say "no scuffing", I mean it!

Especially that damn JD. Ahh, how I love to torture him. I could wring his neck if I wanted to. Though of course life would be boring. 'Cause I'd be fired. And in jail. (He coughs) I still remember the day we met... The good old "Penny in the Door" trick. I use that one on the interns all the time.
"Maybe there's a penny in there."
"Why? Did you stick a penny in there? If I find a penny in there, you're goin' down." Classic.

Honestly, I'm brilliant. I don't get mentioned around this freak show enough. Like when that crazy patient thought we were all singing...
"Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead Guys!" Hey! Good to know dead people are more important than me!

---

John Dorian... JD... Pathetic name. MY name's French. I just... forget what it is. He thinks he can strut 'round here, tell me what to do... I pay him back though. Pretended to be his father once, that was a laugh. Locked him in a tank of water... Sprayed his scrubs... Paintballed him... The works.

Who else... Who else... Ah! Doctor Cox. What a name, eh? Ha! Nah, he's alright. Turk - I hate his guts. Blonde doctor - Liked her for a while. Ted - He needs a serious break. The Todd - I really don't want to know what's going on in that inferior mind of his. Kelso - Fun to roleplay as. Yeah.

Ahh, well. That floor's wet, I should probably put a sign up. Although... (Looks at watch) Nah. Maybe Dorian'll slip up. I'm off now. Gonna go punch a whale. Right in the face. (Leaves)